Old Journals






01-31-10 Still sick
As Angie would say. I am stir crazy for being stuck inside my place for so long. I felt so
stupid I didn't know what that term meant. I watched a lot of tv today. I realized this
may be my life for awhile. Too be honest, I didn't mind it. I really got to catch up on a lot
of things I used to watch. I enjoy watching realty tv. It makes me feel better about my
life and that I am not as crazy as everyone assumes. The alone time I have been spending
alone has really given me a chance to wake up from my fantasy world. I learned that some
of my friends will still call me and get a hold of me even if I am 20 miles away. Some well,
I have been thrown out of the radar. I have always never fixed my problem with my own
image. Putting my self first was so hard. Thats why I have always searched for that girl
friend. Even though I should just live my life right now with out one. It always seem like I
have an excuse on why I havn't reached my true potential. Its cause I have always held
my self back. Tomorrow, I wake up moving forward. Even with a fricking cold that I had
all weekend. Or maybe its just late night rambling and the tylenol cold/flu has taken over
me.

01-30-10 Laying low
I was really sick today. I was using all my energy to move around the house. I skipped
dodge ball unfortunately. It was supposed to be my big return. Andy drove me to Target
to get a few things. I just wanted to get out of the house. He easily could have picked up
the things I needed. I got some more meds to help me get through the day. Tonight, I
just watched some UFC fighting. I used to be a big fan of the sport. I lost my ways years
ago though. Another night to just sit back and lay on the couch.

01-29-10 Bowling high
Tonight I wasn't feeling a 100 percent at all. I was tired and feeling sick. I still went to
bowling just to get out of the house. The funny thing. I bowled a career high my first
game of the night. I got a 245. Which I was quite proud of. My previous career high was a
224. I smoked it. We won 3 games tonight and lost one. I ended up just going home. I
needed to relax and recharge. I didn't want to be sick all weekend. Plus I am tying to
save money anyways.

01-28-10 The fall of a champ
I was having a hard time deciding what to do tonight. I was starting to feel a little weak.
I was figuring I was getting sick. I went ahead and just laid low all night. I was tired and
I needed to just rethink my life for a second. It has been hard for me to lately to enjoy
things lately. Not sure what it is. I have become distant from my friends. I know I am far
away, but I needed this to figure out how to put my self first in my life.

01-27-10 Aardvarks
Tonight at volleyball we played a team we just ca not beat for the past 2 years. They are
older then us and they are just not even as athletic as us. Tonight we were missing two of
our key players. We still failed to beat them. We came close. I was frustrated since they
weren't even that good. We get a 2nd chance to play them later in the season. Hopefully
we come guns blazing against them.

01-26-10 Nuttin but sleep
I have been having a hard time with my eating habits. If I buy a bag of chips. I will eat
them all. I have no self control anymore. It has been getting worse and worse lately. I try
to eat vegetables, but they are just so bland to me.

I needed sleep badly last night. I was feeling tired all day. Finally my body was going to
let me just pass out early. I was calm, collected and just at peace.

01-25-10 Kickball week 3
I was having trouble kicking the ball today. I kept trying to angle each kick. Ofcourse I
got out each time. So I decided to just aim for the ceiling and let it bounce straight down.
Which worked out great. We were down for the first time this season, but our high
powered offense was too much for them to overcome. 32 to 24 was the final score.
Afterwards we went out to Obb's for a bit. I just needed to be out. With all my emotions
out of whack lately. Just needed to relax.

01-24-10 Super bowl dreams
I was excited for the vikings game all day today. I did everything I could to help them
win. I wore the same pajamas I woke up in. Made the same jello shots. Invited literally
the same people over. The Vikes fell short though. Statistically they dominated the game
in every way. The turnovers were a bit much to over come. A costly interception at the
end of regulation, instead of a long field goal. Regardless, they had their chances and they
blew it. It was hard for me to swallow. I just wanted to see them win a superbowl in my
lifetime.

01-23-10 Calm before the storm
I had a low key day. I went to St Louis Park to get my oil change from the dealer ship. I
would have to say I like their Buy happy program. Free oil change and they clean my car
inside and out. I went over to Majors across the street for lunch. I went by my self, but
it was nice to collect my thoughts.

Tonight we went to Guldens in Little Canada. It was fun with karoake and just hanging out
with friends. I needed a night out tonight. Glad my friends are always so entertaining. I
had a blast tonight.

01-22-10 Bowling week 3
I did fairly well this week. I went over 200 for the first time this year. It felt good,
except we still lost the game some how. Thats ok we wont he next three. My average is a
bit higher now. Last week was such a mess. This week it gave me confidence again. Which
I really needed. We shall see if my arm will keep up this season. I was fairly drunk this
week.

01-21-10 Nothing to do
I shouldn't say there wasn't much to do, but tonight when I got home. I didn't want to do
anything. I was fine with that. I did do a little grocery shopping for Sundays big game. I
was going to have another party. It should be lots of fun. I hope we don't get in trouble
though. We shall see how it turns out.

01-20-10 Busy times
After having about four days off from work. It was real hard for me to get back int he
swing of things. It was super busy today. I had a hard time catching up. Luckily Scott
helped me out a little. I wasn't up to the pressure at all. Especially with my mind set
these days at work.

We lost one of our games tonight against a pretty bad team. I didn't care as much. As long
as we are in the 2nd and 3rd seed come playoffs. We are still looking good in the
standings. I just felt slow today. The big bowl of soup did not help from dinner. It sure
weighed me down.

01-19-10 Alone time
I woke up today and went to my 2nd interview at best buy today. It went pretty good
actually. I wasn't expecting much, but who knows. I have been having a hard time trying to
decide what to do if I do get the job.

I spent a lot of time watching tv tonight. Chris came over and we just watched American
idol and the Biggest Loser. Great ways to make your self fell better about your life haha.

01-18-10 MLK day
I spent most of my day just playing video games. I was playing Day of defeat with Chaz
and his friends online in honor of this day. Andy joined in on the fun also. It was about a
good 4 hours plus of gaming or me.

Tonight at kickball, we won pretty easily. I actually got out tonight on a pretty bad kick
from me. I had fun though. It was a lot of fun going to Obb's after the game. I got a
steak dinner from there. It wasn't the best or anything, but it was food.

01-17-10 Vikings Vs Cowboys
The national media was all about them Cowboys. The wrote the Vikes out. Nobody believed
in them. They were jumping on the Dallas bandwagon. The 34 to 3 rout was a great thing
for Vikings fans. Trust me a lot of fans were unsure they could beat americas team. I had
a good turn out at my house for the game. I was really happy on how much everyone had
fun. I made jello shots for todays game. Every touchdown was jello shot time. I had a
great time, and the best thing. We were super loud. Hahaha.

01-16-10 Roller derby
I felt I was pretty productive today. I stopped over at my parents house and got the
wireless network going for my dad. I spent like an hour, but I got it up finally. Then I had
to clean my moms computer of viruses.

Tonight me and Kate went to the North star roller derby. I was amazed on how big it has
gotten. I don't remember it being as busy. It was kinda fun having a flask and doing it old
school. We went to the 501 bar and then to Grumpys after. I was really craving a drink.
It was a fun night. I needed to do something different.

01-15-10 Bowling week 2
I struggled tonight at bowling. I don't remember my scores, but it was somewhere near
167, 122, 150. Which is a bit under my average. I had a hard time throwing my bowling ball
down the lane again. With my arm and back hurting. I was adjusting the whole game. I had
fun tonight though. We finally had our full team with Erika there this week. Now I just
got to slowly improve through out the season.

01-14-10 Happy hour
It seems like Thursday night has been dubbed my new happy hour night. Although those
glory days of me going to happy hour is over. I have really been taking it pretty easy. I had
a fun night though. Chris and his date was with also. Not every day I get to meet someone
from Poland I guess.

01-13-10 Three subs
We needed three subs this week for volleyball. It was hard to find them, but I am glad
we did get them. We luckily played a pretty bad team. They looked like a bunch of people
from the chess team. Who happen to all be wearing knee pads. It was fun though. I had fun
laughing at them. I felt kind of bad. Oh well, I can careless haha.

01-12-10 I have a secret
Today was one of those days that, I had a lot running through  my mind. I have been trying
to focus, but it is so hard to do that. I feel crabby and I want to just throw things out of
a window or create havoc.

I guess with all the things that have been happening as of late. I have never been good at
keeping things a secret, but for now its best. More to come after Tuesday.

01-11-10 Indoor kickball debut
I didn't know what to expect from indoor kickball. I heard how tough it is to play defense.
I wasn't too concerned I have always prided my self on quick reactions and doing tough
catches. I will have to say i was pretty exhausted after tonight. Sadly I didn't even run
that fast. We squashed  our rivals. I don't even know what th score was. I made sure to
make a big impact. Well I hit the ground a few times. When I mean impact I meant it.

01-10-10 Alot of football
I spent most of the day cleaning up last nights mess. I didn't mind the cleaning. The place
kinda needed it anyways. I was on the floor looking for all the m&m's that were thrown
around. Damn you Shannon for brining the M&m's.

The football games were pretty good today. The Packer and Cardinals game was the best
game I have seen in awhile. I can't wit to see the Cards play the even more explosive
Saints.

01-09-10 Bonfire in my chimney party
I was excited to have some people over tonight. The theme was to stay fricking warm. So
I got some firewood and we burnt it all away. It sure was warm and I was feeling
adventurous and made jello shots. I also made sloppy joes and weiners for food. I had a
good time and all the jello shots went away. It was so much fun, the drunkeness was my
favorite. Glad some people stayed over and didn't drive.

01-08-10 Bowling return
First night of bowling I was working on a new form. I have a hurt shoulder and back this
year. I am just not going to be 100 percent. So I was working on throwing it slower. I
averaged 146, 156, and 164. I did better then I hoped I would do. I started slow in each
game. We shall see how the season goes with 6 teams. I wish we had our 8 teams, but oh
well.

01-07-10 Happy  hour
I drove home through the slow traffic. Everyone was driving so slow, afraid of the black
ice on the roads. It was so annoying. I mean, I understand you have to drive slow and all,
but why not just leave earlier or work later.

I had happy hour with Jessica tonight. It was fun we were there for awhile. I was sitting
infront of the tv to watch the BS championship game. I didn't even watch it. Well I tried
to, but I thought the game was just ok. Happy hour was fun, I think it was a nice way for
me to relax after all the anxiety I have been having.

01-06-10 Busy day
I was a bit  overwhelmed today at work. It felt like I was working at a counter at my
desk and I had a ticketing system. There was a line of people who needed things from me.
Which is great and all, but I have other important things to do sometimes.

Tonight at volleyball we lost all three games tonight. We played the best team and they
just toyed with us all three games. They were a complete team with no weaknesses. All
three guys could spike and we had no defense for that.

01-05-10 Breathe easy
I was so tired this morning. I drank about 4 cans of coke today. On a brighter side of
things. I did eat healthy for lunch. Well kinda, I had a cheese burger and a double
cheeseburger.

I am starting to settle into my new life style. I have been staying home and playing video
games have helped. I have had so much on m y mind. I could have easily gone to the bars
and gotten past it. I did well just laying low. I am quite proud of my self. For some reason,
everyone looks at me and expects me to fail. I am tired of the criticism even if I surpass
any obstacles.

01-04-10 Wrestling history
I have always watched wrestling my whole life. Tonight was a special night, since it was
the return of the Monday night wars. It used to be the WWF vs WCW. Nowadays its
WWE vs TNA. I tried to give TNA a shot. They had way better wrestling, but I still liked
to have developed characters.

I started on my diet. Well its more of a half ass effort, but I am trying. I am trying to
eat celery sticks when I get hungry. I don't like the taste of celery. I am trying to bland
my food a bit. I love eating potato chips, but I found it hard for me to eat plain chips.
Well you get the point. Its the effort.

01-03-10 Its all about the "I"
So a package was delivered to me and I was excited to see what was in side. I totally
forgot that my iphone came in the mail. I big on one on ebay the other day. It was a used
one with some defects on the screen, which I bidded on anyways. I was just happy to have
a normal Iphone again. I felt so naked with out one for so long. Ofcourse I went and added
a bunch of apps right away.

01-02-10 More company over
I was so tired this morning. If it weren't for the sun light coming in. I would be out cold.
A strong reason why I havn't put up curtains yet.

Becky, Annie and rad came over tonight. They wanted to see the place. I was pretty
tired, but I made it through. I had a lot of fun, its nice just having people over. I enjoy
the company.

I have been getting accustomed to owning a home now. It has been hard for me to not go
out as much, but its part of the mental training I am prepping my self for. its not easy,
but I am trying.


01-01-10 New years day
About 8am I woke up and realized I was dead tired. I kept waking up in the night. Since I
could still hear people. I didn't drive last night. I was being a good boy.

I woke up at 2:30pm tonight. I was so tired. I felt like I havn't slept in days. Well it felt
that way thats for sure. Eventually I was able to find my energy somewhere.

Andy and jenny came over tonight. Well Chaz and Shannon too. It was fun, we went to Mad
Jacks. Andy came out also. I had a good time tonight. We even tested the boiling water
into the cold air. It sure was awesome. Fun times tonight.